lunedì 25 luglio 2016

What I felt once I was back home.

When you go back to your home country you have different feelings.
You feel different, you know you are different, you have grown up and you want everybody to see it. Most of the times, though, nobody sees it and it sucks. You feel like nothing changed, you did, but your city is the same as when you left it, the places you go are always the same and it almost feels like you didn't actually stayed abroad for one year, it seems like you've only dreamt about it. You are happy, too. But just for a couple of days.  You want to feel different, you want others to be like "hey dude, you've changed" but it seems like the only thing they can do is saying "say something in English".
The thing that hurts more is that they don't understand that you didn't go on vacation. It wasn't that easy. You may have posted pictures on social media about happy moments during your exchange year and they saw only those ones. They don't know what's behind those pictures, they don't think there is anything behind.They weren't with you while you were crying or while you didn't have a place you could have called home.
Yes, you did something amazing, an experience that changed your life in better but it was freaking difficult and your friends were at home with their parents, with their friends, in the places they have known their whole life thinking that for you everything was easy and beautiful.
And while you just wanted to come back home, they were probably thinking "She/he is so lucky, she is there etc", yes, you were lucky because it's one of the best thing you'll ever experience, but they can't understand how difficult it was. They can't understand that in some moments you just wanted an hug, a kiss on your cheek and a "everything will be fine" from your parents.
 I can talk for hours about what I did or what were my feelings but nobody will understand me unless they are former exchange students. People went on with their lives but you are still stuck with all the memories, you can't stop thinking about that time when you did this or laughed at that. Friends, family or random people  wanna hear what it was like or what you did but how can you explain how it was without saying everything? You can't. You should have to start talking about it until forever but I am sure that after 5-10 minutes they would be bored of you. So you won't know what to say. How can you talk about a year long experience just in a conversation without being boring?

The first couple of days in your home country you are overwhelmed with excitement and happiness because you are gonna go to that place again, you are gonna eat your favorite meal again, you are gonna see your friends again and this is exciting...but then all of this just ends. And you are left with only sadness, you miss your host family, your friends, your house, your school and the traditions you used to have every day, for one year. You have fought so much to build a life there and then when you've accomplished what you wanted you had to leave it. You always think "I am gonna go back as soon as possible" but you soon realize that people there will go on with their lives, too and once you'll be back to visit, you will be only visiting. You won't be staying.

Add me on snapchat: ehifra and Instagram: francescaa_papa to find out about my adventures in real time!!

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